Becoming an Ex-Laowai

This could be you: You’re in your late 20s and have lived in China pretty much since you graduated from college. Like everyone else, you started off as an English teacher but gradually moved on to other work, learning pretty decent Chinese in the process. And while you like living in China and consider it a second home, you’re beginning to think about moving on. For one thing, Mom and Dad are asking how much longer you’re going to stay there. You broke up with your significant other and you’re single again. And you’re thinking that with the lousy economy it might not be a bad idea to go back to school, pick up a Masters, and reassess your options in a couple of years.

As you probably have guessed, this hypothetical guy described above was me. As of the end of July, I am no longer a laowai, but rather an ex-laowai. Or, if the term ‘ex’ has too permanent and negative a connotation, I am a laowai emeritus. A laowai in exile.

You get the idea.  For the past seven weeks I have been back in my native US, here in New York City beginning my Masters at Columbia University.

To a person who has never lived outside of his home country, the rigors of reverse culture shock can be difficult to understand. But like a lot of expats I approached the prospect of going home with some trepidation. On previous, short visits home in the past I had always felt a little out of sorts, never knowing how to convey my lifestyle to people who couldn’t imagine it.  I was afraid that these nagging difficulties would amplify once I returned home full-time.

On the contrary, my return home has gone far more smoothly than I was expecting. There are certainly moments when I miss China like an old friend, but for the most part I’ve been pleased with how things have been going. Granted, living in the pressure cooker of New York has kept me too busy to be overly sentimental. But all things considered, with the caveat that it’s only been two months, I feel like I have a few words of wisdom to offer those of you thinking of making a similar jump to mine.

1. Everyone says that having China experience is valuable. Is it true?

Yes and no. Some people assume that just having gone to China to work, in and of itself, will make them employable for life. This certainly isn’t true. Even being able to speak Chinese well is no guarantee for prosperity either unless you want to focus solely on translation. But China is certainly a major buzzword these days, and the country will not become less important anytime soon. Having China experience combined with the language and some other skill (photography, writing, business knowledge, etc) will be immensely valuable. At least I hope so, as this is what I’m banking on!

2. I’ve been home for short stints a few times since moving to China, and I’ve always found it a little weird. Is being home for good just as bad or even worse?

Actually, it’s better. One of the problems with previous visits home for me was its temporary nature; once the initial euphoria of being with friends and family wore off I felt out of place and just wanted to go back to China. This time, I’ve done things people do when they settle in somewhere: I’ve bought a phone. Applied for credit cards. Even got a library card. Having these trappings of a stable, normal life have made it much easier to deal with the transition.

3. Will there be other people around who can relate to my experience?

This depends on what you do when you go home. For me, being in New York and in a grad school program where half of my classmates are foreign has made it extremely easy to meet people who can relate to me. For others, though, it can be difficult. But to be sure, the world has become more globalized- far more people have chosen to live abroad, and far more immigrants have made their way into the West than before. With a little bit of effort I don’t think it’d be difficult to find people who have similar stories to share.

4. Everything seems hunky dory. Have there been any unexpected challenges?

For me, the simple nuts and bolts of living as an adult in the US has proven to be more difficult than I had imagined. For a person a few months shy of 30, I had to learn things people my age normally have down: how to rent a car, how much produce in a grocery store should cost, how to set up online banking, etc. These were things I simply never had to think about, or were completely different in China.  Two years back here should take care of many of these things, but for now this is something I’ve found slightly vexing.

For many of you, I suspect this post might be redundant or irrelevant- either you have no plans to leave China, or you’re sufficiently flexible in both worlds that my advice isn’t needed. For the rest of you, I hope my words of advice on being an ex-laowai might be of some use or even comfort…and after all, when it comes down it you can always renew your Laowai card!

Image by Bentley Smith