With a mere 610 days to go, the 2008 Beijing Olympics are quickly approaching. The nearer they get, the more displaced people can be found wandering around the city wondering where their neighborhood went. Well folks, always eager to utilize form and function, us here at LLW have discovered the solution: Mr. McGroovy’s Box Rivets.
These little dandies allow you to quickly, and firmly, connect cardboard in all sorts of fashions. You may remember, previous cardboard cities (sometimes called ‘forts!’) had to be constructed with expensive materials like tape or twist-ties, that just don’t stand up to the harsh Beijing spring winds – not like these babies.
As most hutongs have a small brigade of cardboard collectors, building materials are not likely to be scarce. Plastic bottles can be retrofitted as awnings and eaves troughs. Note: users may wish to install at least a minor security system, as cardboard poaching is likely to increase as the fun spreads, however we advise against propane torches. A healthy deterant to be sure, but its a quick way to the cardboard hospital. A stick and a stern “å˜¿ä½ !” should work just as well.
I know, I know, you’re saying ‘but wait… I’m no frigin’ architect… I didn’t even finish middle school.’ Well, worry not my life-educated friend, we’re here to help (and so is McGroovy). Below are some designs to get you on your way:
The Castle, with its European feel and four turrets is perfect for those looking to design something with imperial comfort, and fortified function to weather those long waits for justice. Suggested addons include the throne and the stable; the latter of which, though designed with imaginary ponies in mind, may make a suitable abode for your knightly mule.
Should you feel the pull towards a less stationary life, perhaps the Pirate Ship is for you. You watched the movie in Walmart, now you too can be æ°å…‹éº»é›€, battling to win the affections of some loose and free lady laowai. Warning: Lost Laowai.com and Mr. McGroovy do not certify that these plans will produce a seaworthy vessel, we do however suppose it will float longer than many boats currently found in Chinese harbours. We also do not encourage the fighting for any laowai’s affections – but you knew that.
If the pirate ship doesn’t float your boat, and you are too true a Revolutionary to return to the imperial roots of China’s past then it sounds like you are well-suited for the Skyscraper‘s metropolitan design. That’s right, show your sense of irony by putting up this big-city look-a-like in your best spot of protest. Warning: Any attempts to King Kong the towers is likely to result in 1. a slipped disk, and 2. a wrecked kitchen. Do not attempt this – as cool as it looked on the floor model in Hualian, remember what happened to the monkey.
Whatever architectural wonder you choose, please remember that wind may cause some knocks, and rain will wet your socks, but an open flame will burn your box.
