I have eaten dinner with Chinese people at a number of fancy restaurants and a variety of closed-off rooms at special establishments. Each time, I pick out the things that I can bear most from the curious selection of oddities on the table and prepare to eat. Each time, this carefully chosen meal is interrupted by other guests forcing new additions that I can hardly bear onto my plate. I’m fine with the eel, but can I pass on the jellyfish this time?
“Oh, but you had sour spicy jellyfish, this is sweet and salty jellyfish, its completely different!†they will say. And so, much to my chagrin, I will shovel the wondrous new flavors up over my quivering lip and onto my recoiled tongue, swallowing it down with great effort. The best part is, this is a courteous move on the part of the host. Anything they are willing to provide you above your usual portion is considered not only generous  but a source of pride and financial stability for the host. Westerners, however, may feel more daunted by this food play and have a sense of spatial individuality when it comes to eating (among other hygenic objections).
This custom of bombarding the guest with unwanted consumables perhaps harks back to the every-so-often days of droughts and famines in China when any extra food was welcomed and beggars literally couldn’t be choosers. Regardless of the origin, it is now become the enemy of timely logic known as tradition. Nowadays even wealthy families practice it, stubbornly sliding a large helping of abolone pumpkin porridge next to my bowl of noodles when I distinctly told them that the amount of food I had already was suitable. On the upside though, I can use this custom against them when they dare to go to western restaurant, by ordering everything my heart desires and shoving it on their plates. From guacamole burritos to cheese macaroni, I now know how to exact my revenge. When they beg to cease and desist, I simply smile and say in Chinese, “Please, don’t be polite! Have some more!â€
Refusing to eat offered food: Incredibly rude.
Having a bit of offered food: A sign of appreciation and a great way to give face to host.
Having second bite (or more) of offered food: Stupid.
I’ve found Macaroni and Cheese, uncooked carrots, and dr. pepper to be fun choices to offer Chinese friends.
Am heading to my inlaws house tomorrow for the first time in a year, and there is sure to be much food forced upon me. Fortunately it’s almost all food I love.
I hadn’t, however, ever considered turning the tables (not on my inlaws of course, but with Chinese friends). Sounds like a plan.
That was actually kind of an obnoxious post. While it’s true that a large selection of authentic Chinese dishes are not for the faint-hearted Westerner, and even the idea of some of these dishes have a definite “ick” factor for those who are less adventurous, but also take into account that most hosts are super aware of what their guests are eating. In my experiences, if you’re served something it’s polite to try it, but if the host notices that after the first time you don’t touch it, they usually don’t press you.
Your last paragraph, too, just seems, well… petty.
@Chip – Root Beer is also pretty useful since they think it tastes like medicine. My girlfriend used to hate cheese but now she loves it. To be fair, I also eat tongue and ears every now and then.
@Ryan, don’t be cruel though. Some western food is just too much, like blue cheese or cottage cheese. Other things actually turn out to be a hit. I’ve found that Chinese actually like home cooked hamburgers. They just assumed hamburgers suck because they only have McD’s to go on.
@Deno – lighten up.
I always felt uncomfortable when people would put food on my plate–I just like choosing my own food.
And I always gave my wife and mother-in-law (and a few friends in China) a bit of variety of non-Chinese food…they always accepted it and almost always wanted more. Biggest problem I ran into was one friend had a difficult time with spicy Thai food (he had the same problem at a Sichuan restaurant).
I’ve been here long enough and had enough of everything from bears paw to live sea urchin to whatever penis that I flat out tell them that they cant give me something i havent already tried, either that or I claim to be a vegetarian. Screw cultural sensitivity, i dont want it in my mouth I aint gonna eat it.
Believe you me, to date it hasnt caused an international incident or “hurt the feelings of 1.3 billion chinese” – grass and rice is good enough for the lao bai xing, good enough for me.
The problem with being polite and trying some of the scarier dishes (and then saying, “It’s… okay,” to avoid hurt feelings) is that, barring throwing up afterwards, you’ve just shown you like it, and they’ll continue to make it and serve it to you. Ugh. To avoid this, I’ve started saying, “Yeah, this isn’t bad, but what I really like is this other thing you gave me.”
I second Dena. If hospitality and generosity are not your thing, then just turn down the invites, instead of getting into a funk about a few plates of something out of the ordinary. What do you expect people to do, guess that you don’t like the delicacies they appreciate? Are you suggesting your hosts should hold back the food until you are ready to ask them for a bite to eat? HOSTS OFFER GUESTS FOOD AND DRINK, timeless formula. And this line: “Anything they are willing to provide you above your usual portion is considered not only generous but a source of pride and financial stability for the host”. What are you, their pet? You have a usual portion? And how many westerners saying the Chinese treat their guests to ample feasts to prove their financial stability is too many? ‘Cause its bullshit and I’m tired of hearing and reading it.
“…other guests forcing new additions that I can hardly bear onto my plate.”
Let the additions sit on the plate. It’s OK, NBD. I wouldn’t feel obligated to touch it, even if it was the host that did this.
I do remember having my parents force me to eat my Grandmother’s terrible cooking to not hurt her feelings. It’s not unique to China, it just happens that the things that they eat here seem gross to us.
Apologies to those who are upset by this post, but I think some of you are misunderstanding (to different degrees). My goal was just to provide some culture-shock entertainment, not to offend. I try to screen my blogs with my Chinese co-workers to insure they are not offensive before posting. Sometimes I think there are some bleeding-heart laowais out there that are offended easilier than the demographic they think they are defending.
That being said, I stick to my word that there is a cultural difference in how the West and East eat (or lets say 欧美 vs 祖国）.
Of the many disparities, the two I mentioned in my blog were 1) Chinese are more interested in sharing food 2) westerners won’t pretend they are full when they actually want to eat more (Chinese are much more polite about this)
That is all 🙂