The Seven Habits of Highly Ineffective Expats

I’m amazed at your fair generalization.I think you made a good teacher.

Hi Glen

What a great list and so fun to read.

I believe your list is so true for all expats where ever they live, and not just to expats in China.

Speaking from my own experience, I am quilty of a few habits.

Have a safe trip home

Sharon

WTF, I’m having look at the Hardest Hardship Posts list you’ve linked: Guangzhou comes in 13th, without mentioning all of the second tiers cities in China expats are working their asses off (Chongqing, Chengdu, Wuhan etc). Living in Guangzhou, compared to these felt like heaven.
I’m not trying to stand out as the hardcore China kid here, but be realistic, cities like Guangzhou or Shenzhen can provide you with lives much better than the ones you could ever dream of at home.

ok so i admit im at starbucks twice a week, but in my defence i work in the basement of said starbucks in a neighbourhood hardly able to support a starbucks to begin with. you’d have to walk 15 minutes to find anything else to eat, and even then only KFC. but i use public transportation almost exclusively so i think it balances out.

fortunately i’ve kept up a good work ethic specifically so i don’t end up getting fired from my first job back in the states for not taking it even a little seriously.

Habit #8 – Rationalization

We’re all guilty of this one… rationalizing how much money we spend by converting to our home currency. “Oh cool, so this is only like $5. Everything here is so cheap!!” Even though we’re earning our home dollar, we live here and are not just travelers. So in the long run, it doesn’t make sense (cents?) to think in your own currency.

To second what Kellen wrote, some of us fall into a rut because of circumstances, some of us fall into a rut because we choose to do so. I work fulltime which means during my work days the rut of going to the same local restaurants each time is dictated by the need to stay close to my school. On the other hand, if you’re a student or a part-time worker and find yourself in a rut, it’s probably because you’ve not really taken the time to explore the options available to you.

This was a great list, by-the-way, Glen, thanks for writing.

Brilliant. Will do a followup on that.

I agree with all of the comments above. Very good list, Glen.

The only problem I have with lists like these, however, is that they are tailored to the larger cities in China. Obviously the reason for this is that most foreigners who come to China find themselves in one of these cities, but there are a few of us who couldn’t fall into some of these traps even if we wanted to.

I wish I could visit a Starbucks…and my wife sure would love the help of an ayi.

*hick* …habit?
Heh, actually what is an ‘effective’ expat?

Habit #9: telling other ex-pats how to act? what to do and not to do?

I really like this list, and am completely with Josh on this one. I want a Starbucks. Heck, I want other foreigners who actually speak English! I have gone to McDonalds, but certainly not as a routine of any kind. My only rut/routine is baozi every morning I wake up on time to get them from the cafeteria. I　have done a handful of these if not this trip on the last one, and I have to try the obsessive traveling next time 🙂

Habit #10: Using the words mafan　麻烦, to describe the behavior of well intentioned but often awkward attempts to help or make friends with us by random Chinese strangers. As a woman, I found myself doing it a lot until I finally got that none of these people are actually bothering me, and if they were… I needed to let them know.

Matt – affordable isn’t the question. I’m looking for “available”. I’m sure they’re around here somewhere, but for the past three years I haven’t been able to find them!

I’ve heard that most foreigners in Urumqi and Shihezi have them, but (believe it or not) I don’t even know any Chinese people who have ayi’s in my small city. Sadly, this means I have to do the dishes every once in a while 🙁

‘don’t you think that there is something a tad soul-sucking about being able to through your money around so much?’

This very same comment gets batted about on the Thai forums.

Those that don’t have money, protesting against those that do.

As for your struggling theory, I’ve been there done that. And to tell you the truth it wasn’t all that grand.

So you go ahead and struggle through your life and I’ll enjoy mine 😀

You are right. You don’t know me and you don’t know anything of my life.

For instance, without someone taking care of a few chores, I couldn’t work the sometimes 12 and 14 hour days I do. And that includes weekends.

So do I deserve the money coming in? Absolutely. It took years of hard work, years of making the right decisions, to get to this stage in my life. It would be ridiculus pretending otherwise.

Like I said in my post: Life is too short to waste doing what you don’t want to do, while avoiding what you do what to do. So go! Do! Live your life to the fullest! After all, it is your life.

I just happen to enjoy working is all.

That is why making sweeping assumptions and ‘rules’ for expats does not work. You can’t possibly know their circumstances.

And one could easily say that I would be highly ineffective expat if I did not take advantage of the available amenities on offer.

Re. Ayi’s and western decadence observed in the expat community-

I once had this argument with my economist friends, and an econ professor back in college in the US. My friend was telling me that there was absolutely no inherent problem with hiring someone to clean for you. The professor reasoned that the only reason you would choose to not hire someone to do your cleaning was to teach children self reliance by doing chores. That in hiring someone you free up your own time which is more valuable to you than the money that you are spending to have a person help you. Perfect economic reasoning.

I strongly disagree with them to this day.

Now this is something that I see as a difference in values. To me it is my mess, which makes it my responsibility. If it were causing me stress, I would perhaps hire someone to help me (I would pay them what I would expect to be paid for the same service, I strongly believe that some of these workers are underpaid for the jobs they do.) I know there are many people at home who feel very differently about the issue, and even more here in China (I often hear demeaning remarks about people who are in the service industry, and I loved picking up the soda bottle in front of the driver of a car who carelessly tossed out his window while siting in his car waiting for someone.) Personal responsibility is something very important to me. I do not want to make someone else’s life more difficult because of my personal choices. If I have a mess in my room it is my choice, and my responsibility. When I came into my room and found it to be covered in that elegant sticky pollution film, I went and got the bucket of hot water and bleach, because it was now my room, and I was the one who wanted it clean.

Catherine, I can understand where you are coming from. I hope that one day if I need help to clean my own house that I will be able to find someone who I trust and will gladly pay them as I would hope to be paid for doing a similar job.

Josh, I also can see where you are coming from.
John it is certainly not “expat envy”. I am probably one of the lowest paid people on the forum, being a teacher in my first term, and I am beyond comfortable with my money. If I had to leave tomorrow (if I we actually paid what my company owes me) I would leave with a few thousand US in pocket (I save). I am only envious of my friends in Shanghai, because they enjoy their jobs more not because they have bigger pockets. However, I have some huge complications with the fact that my salary is almost double the salary of the teachers I work side by side with (which I think is what Josh is talking about). Admitted I have more classes than many of them, and am dealing with a whole different set or circumstances, but I am constantly trying to figure out some way to not feel guilty about having this advantage handed to me because I am from another country (I know there would be little to no advantage for my friends if they were to find a job teaching in the US). I would personally be unable to live a lavish lifestyle because I know the way my co-workers live, and I would feel eternally guilty for it. I am all for putting money back into the local economy, but I choose to spend money on my friends, and travel instead of personal extravagance (not that there is anything wrong with the other, I am just explaining why I could not make that choice).

John – That’s right. The maid culture is heavily engrained out here.

And while it is not exactly unknown in the West, we certainly are not responsible for the maid culture.

When I lived on Borneo, my maid’s family back in the Philippines had maids (plural).

She was living and working in Borneo because she could make more money as a maid than as a school teacher in the Philippines.

Her kids went to good schools on the money she made working for me all those years. I was also good for any loans she needed back home (banks were out of reach and the Philippines has a terrible loan shark system).

One of my best friends was from Manila and it burned her butt that her maid from the Philippines had a degree and she didn’t 🙂

The local Borneo families I knew had an average of six maids and two drivers.

Most of the people I knew without maids were Westerners (new arrivals) and we’d all take bets at how long they’d last without. And with the humidity and the heat, they did not last long.

All of my Singaporean friends in Singapore and elsewhere in SE Asia have maids.

When I was living in Japan as a tyke, we had one who did the ironing, one for the house, and one to take care of us kids full-time.

When we left Japan, the maid who took care of us cried because she didn’t have any future prospects for work. The Japanese economy was rough at the time and her concerns were serious.

Some Westerners are concerned about Asians being at the poverty level, but then they somehow don’t understand that these very same people depend on being able to work too.

But (some) Westerners, especially those new to the expat scene, seem to have a guilt complex when it comes to having help in house.

Granted, if you only have a small room, there is no real point. But I’m not talking small, temporary accommodation here. I am talking the average home.

To free up their time for work or leisure, these very same Westerners may just pay an accountant to do their taxes, or put their kids in daycare, sometimes they will pay the neighbourhood kid do their lawn or run errands, and they might even take their cars to get detailed.

But then they get all scandalised about getting someone to help around the house? Do a little ironing? Mop a few floors? Shine the silver? It boggles the mind. Truly it does.

(great to see you here John)

cupritte – I agree, trust is a huge issue when it comes to maids (or anyone you give that level of access into your private life). For me, it took awhile each time, but I focused on getting someone who respected me for respecting them (and if you know Asia, you’ll know what I mean).

I was wondering how long it would take for this ayi debate to get to the “but we’re helping them, we’re keeping them employed. They should be thanking us for it!” level.

Granted, I’ve met some scam-savvy ayis to which the following doesn’t apply, however:

I think the question comes down to whether or not you’d endure the expense of a maid back home where wages are (at least marginally) more level? The reason many expats don’t have maids back home is because it is a rather dear expense.

Not to get too ethical here, as I really have no high horse to sit on, but shouldn’t it at least be considered why it is we can afford maids in Asia?

I don’t know many expats that are making hugely larger salaries than they would in their own country, but when compared to the cost of living it explodes.

So, the question is are the maids getting paid what they’re worth, or are they being exploited due to the socio-economic situation of their country? We’re not talking “worth” in relation to skill-set/education level, as that simply doesn’t apply in a country with effectively no minimum wage and few poverty reduction programs. This is about worth as a human being – which I think cupritte nailed above.

Ultimately I guess that’s a moral question for everyone to answer themselves and how much micro-social responsibility they’re interested in taking on.

I think it simply comes down to whether or not you would do the same job for that amount of money. That doesn’t have to make or break whether or not you hire a maid, but it pretty clearly will illustrate if you feel they’re paid what they’re worth. If you wouldn’t and you’re still thinking you’re the one doing them a favour because without your help the plain rice they eat for every meal would be no rice at all, you’re fooling yourself.

@john
“If we are going to follow this moral high ground what about growing and cooking your own food…”

Sorry, but that made me laugh out loud. My students think I am crazy because when they ask about my hobbies, that’s my reply. The process of food, cooking and growing my own. There’s just something that makes food taste so much better when you watched it grow, then you prepare it yourself, plus being able to share fresh foods with friends is awesome. Perhaps I am simply too altruistic for a classical economist to understand. My thought is I would rather donate the money I would pay to a maid to an Human Service organization to help prevent poverty, than choose to let “the market” work for me by paying for a service that I really do feel is my responsibility. That way I use the money to try to cause the same effect without making someone do my dirty work.

And the only economic argument needed to reply regarding keeping people employed with these types of jobs, is Bastiat’s broken window fallacy.

@ Ryan I completely agree. You did a really good job at elaborating on why I have even more difficulty with the concept of hired help in this country than I do at home.

Ryan, you said:

‘So, the question is are the maids getting paid what they’re worth, or are they being exploited due to the socio-economic situation of their country? We’re not talking “worth” in relation to skill-set/education level, as that simply doesn’t apply in a country with effectively no minimum wage and few poverty reduction programs. This is about worth as a human being – which I think cupritte nailed above.”

You cannot compare wages in one country with the wages of another. It’s all competition, supply and demand.

And this notion of equality is utopian nonsense.

If suddenly everyone in China (or wherever you are) got a pay rise, there would be massive inflation.

OR what if ONLY the maids got a pay rise? Isn’t that what you are suggesting? Just so that maids are not being exploited by expats?

If so, then all teachers would suddenly want to work as maids. And only to expats.

And that is why expats going into other countries are very careful NOT to inflate the existing positions.

Because even though we as expats often pay over the odds (and the locals expect it), we are sensitive to local economics. Or should be.

Pace cupritte, I just don’t understand why anyone has a problem with hired help here. We pay for such services all the time. Why do you think a service industry exists?

In China, I work 40 hours a week at my main job. I do regular work outside of my job, so in a given week I might do 50 hours of work. Soon, I will begin applying to graduate school programs which will only make me busier. Add in the need to exercise and the need to maintain some semblance of a social life, and there just aren’t a lot of other hours left in the day.

I can cook and I enjoy doing it. I can also clean my house, fix the odd thing, and work on my bicycle. But in China it just makes economic sense to hire people to do these things for me, simply because I consider it a better allocation of my time and money.

I challenge you to find one Chinese person who finds the idea of you hiring an ayi objectionable. Most Chinese families that have attained a certain degree of affluence have ayis, as well, simply because having one makes sense given their situation.

So my advice is…if you feel guilty about having an ayi, about eating dinner out every night, about getting your shoes shined for two kuai, and about any of the other perks of life here, get over it.

Also- the argument that you wouldn’t do something in your home country isn’t relevant. You’re here now.

@Ryan: Where we are does matter. For many, such as Catherine and Matt, hiring an ayi makes sound economic sense. For many, working as an ayi makes sound economic sense. You are right to point out the fundamental economic inequalities rampant around most of the world, and you’re right that we should work to reduce inequality, but there is nothing immoral about hiring an ayi.

I would say that the only place morality actually enters this equation is in one’s attitude. Many filipina maids suffer horrific abuse at the hands of their employers, and that, clearly, is wrong. There are plenty of people, such as Catherine (judging by her comments) and Matt (cos I know him in the real world and he’s a decent bloke) who treat their ayis with the same basic respect they would expect to be treated with.

“Would you kill a man in China if there wasn’t a law against it?”

That, sir, is utterly absurd. You are comparing something that is and has always been considered morally wrong in basically every culture that has ever existed with an economic choice. That’s not apples and oranges, it’s apples and Big Macs.

Oh, and people everywhere throughout history have employed domestic staff. Egalitarianism, even in New Zealand, is in reality a very recent phenomenon (well, New Zealand is a very recent phenomenon, but read Katherine Mansfield and you’ll see references to domestic staff in Wellington households).

Wow A-yi revolution. Now that would be interesting. But that was not my point was it. I was simply stating that you can not tell me that in my choice to not hire an A-yi I am putting these people at a detriment. You are right it is a service, that many people choose to pay for (to me it may not be a fair price, but that is clearly a whole different issue.) I understand the curve of supply and demand, and I know that I provide a service that I am paid for and I have to pay for goods and services including clothing and food (I understand the basic concepts of an economic society, although I don’t understand this “communist” one.) I am simply explaining why I would have difficulty making the choice myself to bring in hired help. I am not criticizing those who make it. So sorry, but I won’t just get over my personal moral concept of taking responsibility for the messes that I make (and others too), and I hope that I never do.

Just to weigh in on the whole Ayi issue, for me it’s as simple as not being comfortable having someone pick up after me. For a short time when I was a kid we had a cleaner come once a week to vacuum and whatnot because we were all in school and my parents were working long days, so it made sense. But even then I personally thought it was a little uncomfortable to have someone else doing that, and more important just downright annoying when her relocation of my stuff hit my OCD.

Back in the states my friend’s mom was an ‘ayi’ as her main source of income. More than once I went along and helped or outright worked in her place w/ my friend if there was some external issue, so I’ve been on both sides of it. I have no moral quandary with the concept. I just personally am not comfortable having one.

@ Ryan: the assumption that you make it is a question of does your made have the same quality of life for the same job. is very wrong. Many jobs in China won’t get you even close to the same standard of living of that job in other countries, even from a relative point of view. Substitute “standard of living” with “respect” and the assumption is still valid: you’re dealing with a certain set of conditions that make it impossible for comparison.
We’re talking practical things, better stay on the pragmatic side, even running the risk of coming off a tiny bit cynical.

@ cupritte: I think everybody here feels being cast in a bad light by your being overly responsible for you messes. Paying for a little help won’t send you to hell, or kill the planet. You can’t always take everything that seriously.

That’s not apples and oranges, it’s apples and Big Macs.

The Apple Big Mac, I’m sure that’s going to be at the next MacWorld. 😉

“Oh, and people everywhere throughout history have employed domestic staff. Egalitarianism, even in New Zealand, is in reality a very recent phenomenon.”

I’m not really sure what you’re saying. Are you saying because we, as a race, have always done something, it should continue? Not just that it should continue, but that because we’ve always done it that lends evidence to it being ethically ok? No, that couldn’t have been your meaning. 🙂

I do agree though, a lot of it comes down to respect – and respect can fill a lot of gaps between wages. Much of the reason I was stirred comment on this thread was Catherine’s comments (here and on her site) that had an entirely matriarchal and classist tone to them.

Now I completely understand that this is the Internet and inferring tones from a comment or post is a dangerous slope to slide, and Catharine if I’ve got you wrong, I’m totally sorry. I’ve read a few of your posts now and some are down right excellent. But something irks me about the comments on this topic and how they seem to paint a rather saintly image of the benevolent masteremployer.

Ryan, Agreed. The internet is a terrible place to communicate.

‘But something irks me about the comments on this topic and how they seem to paint a rather saintly image of the benevolent masteremployer.’

Edith would be laughing her head off if she read this (I’ll have to send it over to her actually).

SHE ran my household. She was in control. She was also the one who put limits on our relationship. And I imagine most maids are similar in small households.

Warning: some longtime expats reading this are going to be shaking their heads because I did not follow ‘the rules’ of employing staff… I did not keep my distance. But like not everyone is suited to have staff, the rest of us who are have to find where we fit. To discover how it works for us. And for me, I felt that the old-fashioned colonial way was outdated.

In several comments back I mentioned that I fired maids who did not respect me respecting them. This is because some felt that if you treated them like real people then it was ‘you’ who was inferior. Odd, I know. I tried to understand it but because it did not fit who I was, I sidestepped the situation to find someone who fit me. So yes, I do break some of the rules.

And as it made no sense to me, I was always wanted to cross that line.

But Edith kept enforcing her version of it, again and again.

Shortly after being hired, she came up pregnant. It was shocking to the other expats who said, ‘send her back!’

It seemed ridicules to me then and sounds even more so now. I had a big house with a small house in the back for a maid. The maid’s accommodation was complete with kitchen and carport. And besides, it was her private life, so what difference did it make to me?

Ok, I’m cheating. I knew what an amazing person she was. In that short time, I knew that she could handle whatever, and that she would not take advantage of the situation.

And if I had any problem with Edith at all, it was all down to her working too hard.

My house was so big that the family lived upstairs. The huge downstairs stayed empty except for the events I had to have (high profile business, hence the big house). And I did NOT need all the floors up and down cleaned every day, but it took several years to get Edith to get over it. To make her see sense. She was as stubborn as I am.

And even though I offered to take care of her baby, John Russel, when she was really busy, or sick or needed to be out, only once was I given the pleasure. Once in four years.

Btw – John is named after my dad, but only because the name fit a religious title.

You see, that was her ‘line’. And she had lots of lines.

She went along with my insistence that she was NOT call me ‘Mam’ (all the maids called their employers Mam out there and I hated it).

And there were many other things she would not allow.

She refused to sit down at lunch with me, even on her birthday. She refused to go for a coffee when we were out grocery shopping. It went on and on. Edith was in control.

She is a wonderful women and I miss her very much. Not because I want my house cleaned but because she was great to be around. And because I learned a lot from her. And because she was so very strong and handling so much in her life so beautifully.

Ah… For those who have not read the post on my site, there is something I should have mentioned here. Since I no longer have a large house, I have someone come in for about four hours a week. That’s it. The rest of the time I do the dishes, the laundry, the cooking, the shopping, the kitty litter (the maid never does the kitty litter as I feel that it is one thing too far… and sometimes I wished I never put that rule in place :-). And with all of that, I do feel that the protests seem to be a bit ott.

And guess what. My present maid and I get along great too. I was warned that I should NOT be greng jai to a maid, but to heck with all of that. But, I’ll be writing on my site about all of that and more (it was already scheduled, way before this).

Bottom line – I found out where I fit in Asia. I am not totally absorbed into the culture. It is not possible. But I am aware of what works for me.

(Ryan… I got to see your blog last night. Nice. I’m in the industry too. I no longer take paying clients, but I do donate my time to helping out the industry).

Oh and Catherine, “Philippians” – really?

@Ryan: “I’m not really sure what you’re saying. Are you saying because we, as a race, have always done something, it should continue?”

No, you’re reading too much into it. Clearly there are things we should stop doing, like burning fossil fuels like there’s no tomorrow (cos there won’t be a tomorrow at the rate we’re going), or killing people (I mean, by means other than the combustion of fossil fuels, which I’ve already ranted against). All I’m saying is that the hiring of domestic staff (maids, ayis, butlers, whatever) is something that has happened throughout history just about everywhere in some form or another, that it’s neither moral nor immoral, purely economic, no different from the hiring of tutors.

But actually, we’re pretty much agreed on the attitude thing, do unto others and all that. I just found your comparison with murder way over the top. That’s all.

Some very interesting views in this discussion 🙂

I had an ayi when I was living in Beijing – loved it! She was fantastic, and there was nothing better than coming home on Friday afternoon to a spotless house.

At present I don’t have an ayi (for whatever reason I am not sure) but I clean my own house and do so often however this doesn’t mean it is something I enjoy. It also doesn’t mean I won’t have an ayi again in the future. Am I lazy as my name suggests? Maybe! Would I ever work as a cleaner? Sure if the circumstance demanded it. (I worked part time as a cleaner to earn some extra cash many, many years ago)

Seems there is a strong focus on whether or not it is ok for expats to have an ayi however I am not sure anyone has considered Chinese who have ayis. My ayi in Beijing was also working for a one of my local friends – sure, she was a well paid professional who could afford it but by the same token she was single and could have easily looked after herself. It is not just those earning a high income. A friend in Wuhan had a baby and her mother sent a woman from the village to live with her and be a full time ayi. My friend and her husband were both teachers living on campus and both received the usual poor wage that Chinese teachers receive.

This is not a justification for having an ayi but surely it is a matter of individual choice? Our perception or idea of whether it is morally right or not is also a matter of individual choice.

Oh, and btw – love the list, definitely good for a laugh!

Incidentally, I asked my cleaning lady about her thoughts on this matter, and her reply was:

‘Why would a foreigner be so cheap as to not have one?’

Funny, and I do think she has a point.

I dont “need” to eat at McDonalds or drink a Yanjing, but I “want” to. I’d hardly call either of those “self-indulgent”.

And Glen pls stop assuming people are “lazy” if they have hired help, I put in the long hours like a lot of us here and have 2 kids to look after. I’d speculate many of the “anti-aiyi” brigade are singles living on their own with whole heck of a lot of time to navel gaze and maybe feel guilty that someone else is doing their laundry.

Unfortuantely I dont have that “self-indulgent” luxury (some days I do miss it) and as I stated before paying someone 20 RMB to come in load up the machine and watch it spin and then hang the clothes (yes I take them down usually and even do my own ironing) is a bargain as that’s a half day I get to spend with the little guys – call it self-indulgent and lazy if you want, I call it spending my time and money wisely.

The assumption that people who use such services around the house are “lazy” is, in my impression, totally false. The vast majority of people I know who use maids, cooks, or other kinds of service in China are people who are putting in 70 hour/wk workloads a week and could use a little time to play with their kids or take the spouse on a date.

Also, be real careful with the word “exploit”, its pretty loaded. And the people who use the word tend to forget that every thing we do that deals with other people is exploitation. I exploit a bunch of workers at a grocery store because I’m too damn lazy to set up a bunch of supply chains for fruit, meat, and poptarts to ship straight to my house. I exploit a bunch of British reporters at BBC because I’m too lazy to go out and learn more about Michael Jackson and Iran myself. I exploit engineers, seamstresses, nutritionists, and mechanics to design and build the clothes, foods, appliances, and other trinkets that I use everyday because I’m too lazy to just sit down and figure out how to do it myself. Besides, they’re all exploiting me because they’re not only doing something they know how to do well, but they’re getting PAID. I even exploit a bunch of posters at Lostlaowai because I’m too damn lazy to think up a back-and-forth inner dialogue about a sensitive issue in my head. We are all exploiting each other’s skill sets, schedules, and life circumstances and being exploited in turn. Every thing we do is self-indolgent and exploitive, and there’s nothing immoral about that. Okay, down from my Ayn Rand soapbox…

You’re not odd, Mark, you just don’t have those bad habits. There’s a clear line between people who enjoy China and enjoy interacting with Chinese people and people who try to avoid as much “China” as possible. The longer you’re here — I’ve been here 5.4 years — the more you see this distinction. Similarly, there are a significant number of people for whom China is an excuse to discard Western morality and adopt extremely bad “Chinese habits” — littering (“because somebody will pick it up, that’s their job”), whoring, binge smoking and drinking — while also getting into the loud and pushy foreigner DYKWIA habit that makes the average Lost Laowai reader cringe.

It’s curious how this entire conversation turned to the subject of the morality of domestic help without anyone really focusing on the other reason people hire ayis — China is much, much dirtier than Western countries. One of my good friends is a neat-freak but puts in 50 hour days but still needs an ayi to keep the dust level down. I’ve never had an ayi myself but at my last apartment the dust level was uncontrollable even with my girlfriend and I cleaning several hours a week. My new apartment is smaller and more manageable, thankfully — but it takes me as many hours to keep it clean each week as it did to keep my house in America clean each month!

To emphasize a point I think Chris Waugh was trying to make, having an ayi in itself isn’t moral or immoral, it’s whether you treat her and other 老百姓 with respect that matters most.

I like the term ‘binge smoking’, by the way.

I’m not sure how accurate 3 is, people fall into a “rut” everywhere, no matter if its China or “back home”. There is also something said for being a regular and supporting the small restaurants near where you live. Its one thing if the place you go to regularly is a McDonalds, its quite another if its a local spot.

I also disagree with 4, come on, any Chinese with just a little bit of money will leave the country at any chance they get, especially during the pain in the ass tourism periods like National Day and after completing their familial duties at Spring Festival.

Most people who exhibit 1 or 2 are people that came to China and it didn’t live up to what they expected or they had a really bad experience, they don’t want to be expats. For others, its understandable having not been home for a year or more that they’d want to go back and see their friends or family.

The only one that I think is dead on is 5, its definitely a problem and I’ve seen people who come over and drink morning, noon, and night.

Hey Glen – great article!!
Before I arrived in China I considered myself an adaptable and experienced traveler and expat, but living here is a lot more challenging than anywhere else I’ve been or lived. My two months so far have been somewhat of a struggle, and your article really hit home for me. I don’t want to put words in your mouth, so please correct me if I’m wrong, but here is what I got from your ideas:

These actions are not necessarily bad or evil in of themselves, but as HABITS they can become detrimental to your experience in this country and possibly to your actual being. People get SO touchy when they think they are being judged…rest assured friends, I think this article was simply pointing out some potential dangers for expats to watch out for. They were also some things I was just beginning to notice and identify in myself, so even if not everyone can identify I thank Glen for pointing them out for my own sake.

Now my own two cents on some things that seem to be facing some controversy on the message board:

#3 The Rut: Every other country I’ve traveled in I really try to act like a local: go where they go, eat where they eat, make friends with locals, etc. I personally did not come here to surround myself with English speakers and familiar settings. If you did then that’s fine and falling into this habit shouldn’t really be any concern of yours. Anyway, I realized it’s much more difficult to do this here than other places when I noticed myself drawn to certain “comfort spots,” either Western establishments or places I can go and point at things and not have to communicate much. Guess what – my Mandarin is not getting any better from doing this, and I’m not trying many fun new things. I don’t feel bad for going to Starbucks sometimes, but am gradually realizing that I might need to venture far, far out of my comfort zone before I can really enjoy the “real” China.

#6 – has this one been exhausted yet? Eh I don’t care, here it goes…
I don’t think Glenn was criticizing EVERYONE who chooses to indulge a bit here. I think we all do it, and we all do it in different ways. Personally I like to indulge in expensive Starbucks coffee. I don’t NEED coffee but it sure makes me a lot happier when I drink it. I don’t NEED to own every season of Scrubs on dvd, but it makes me laugh so I do. People don’t NEED help around the house, it is a luxury (all negative connotations aside), but they are busy and I’m sure it makes life so much easier. Number 6 was just a reminder that MODERATION IS KEY. It’s easy for us to become accustomed to luxury and decadence to the point of dependence. I have a feeling that upon my distant future return to the US I will feel quite resentful of having to pay twenty bucks for a dvd. It sounds like those of you who do have hired help are genuinely appreciative and respectful to said workers (I loved Ryan’s “respect can fill a lot of gaps between wages” – beautifully said), as well as still being capable of doing things by yourself, which is awesome! Just be wary. I think most of us would agree that money doesn’t buy happiness, but there is just so much cool cheap stuff to buy here, you have to be careful not to get confused.

Finally, a little post-university idealism:
People, seriously, take a moment to realize something: being born Western means that, through no action or deed of our own, almost all of us were born wealthier and with more opportunities than most of the world. Like it or not, that is a reality. I’m NOT telling you to feel guilty, clearly no one has control of where they were born. I’m just saying. True, some of us have worked very hard and achieved a lot for ourselves. But comparatively speaking we have a undeserved advantage over many people. Recognize that. Think about it. Do something, or do nothing about it, but at least see it. One thing that shocks me here is how long and hard people work everyday – more than me in most cases, and I feel like I’m a very hard worker. Are they less deserving of drinking delicious expensive coffee than I am? No. Absolutely not. Just because we will never live in a perfect world where everyone can do the job they want to be doing and live in the degree of luxury they choose does not mean we shouldn’t try.

I may not feel guilt but I do feel extremely sad that there are migrant kids here who are barely getting a decent education. If you’re ok with throwing your money around while that is happening right in front of you then fine. It’s not wrong to take care of yourself and enjoy life. But I think that one of the most important lessons of living abroad should be as huge eye opener to how most of the rest of the world is, and perhaps an encouragement to use our advantages to somehow help our fellow humans.